Love Maps

"Companionship in marriage is prone to become commonplace and even dull. I know of no more certain way to keep it on a lofty and inspiring plane than for a man occasionally to reflect upon the fact that the helpmeet who stands at his side is a daughter of God, engaged with [God] in the great creative process of bringing to pass His eternal purposes. I know of no more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement. The very processes of such actions will cultivate a constantly rewarding appreciation for one another" (p. 24).

         - Elder Gordon B. Hinckley

Marr. & Fam. Rel. Part. Study Guide

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

This week in reading chapter 4 of, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” by Gottman, I learned couples that have a detailed Love Map are better prepared to handle stress and conflict within their marriage. Gottman’s defines Love Map “as the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” Emotionally intelligent couples will know specific details of each other’s lives, giving them a very vivid Love Map. He then discusses how many couples get into a pattern of not paying attention to the details of each other’s lives, and they have a vague Love Map.

There are many challenges in a marriage that can make it difficult to maintain your Love Map over a long period of time. Gottman describes them as;

Having a baby is just one life event that can cause couples to lose their way if they don’t have a detailed love map. Any major change – from a job shift to a move to illness or retirement – can have the same effect. Just the passage of time can do it as well. The more you know and understand about each other, the easier it is to keep connected as life swirls around you.

In marriage, you have to continuously work at knowing who your spouse is daily. Because, over time every one changes. So, you have to keep up with all the changes to keep a detailed Love Map.

In my own personal marriage, I was a very different person when I married my husband. I was very selfish and only thought of myself and having a good time. Life was grand and I loved being single, and independent. I would come and go as I pleased. But, that all changed when I got married. All the sudden I had the most wonderful man who loved me, and wanted to be with me always. So, I had to learn to think of him first.

I have been married to my husband for 23 years, now. He is my best friend, and I couldn’t imagine going a day without being able to talk to him. We have woven our lives together. I feel we have a very vivid Love Map.