Take Time to Turn Towards Your Spouse

Turning towards your spouse

Some of the little ways in which I stay connected by turning toward my spouse are:

• Listening to him when something is bothering him.
• Taking the trash out to the road on trash day, because he was too busy the night before and forgot to.
• Helping him pull weeds or do yard work.
• Taking the time to give him a hug/kiss when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner.

Some of the ways my husband turns toward me are:

• Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
• Helping with the laundry.
• Dust and vacuum the house.
• Listening to me when something is bothering me.

Both of these lists could go on forever, because turning toward each other are daily occurrences for us. It is the seeming little actions which have profound impacts on our relationships. All these little things add up, and helps to build mutual trust, friendship, and the love for each other.

In reading chapter 6 of Gottman’s book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, he says it’s all the little interactions that couples engage in that helps them to remain happy (p. 87). He goes on to explain, “What’s really occurring in these brief exchanges is that the husband and wife are connecting – they are attuning by turning toward each other” (p. 87). Turning towards each other in daily may seem like a mundane task, but it’s the meat to the sandwich. It’s what makes you not just husband and wife, but best friends.

How I Turned Towards My Husband

This past spring, when I had surgery I thought everything was all planned out. My husband and daughter were going to be in charge of keeping up on all the cooking and cleaning. I had prepared some freezer meals for quick dinners to help them out. But, four days after my surgery, my daughter injured her foot. She severely sprained it, and had to stay off of it for a couple of weeks. All the sudden, my husband felt overwhelmed. He still had to get up, and go to work daily. Then, come home and take care of us and the house. Seeing him so stressed out, I was able to turned towards him in simple ways like folding the laundry after he washed it. Using the freezer meals to cook dinner, so it would be ready when he got home. We worked together to make sure everyone’s needs were met. Even though I was limited in what I could do physically while healing, he could see I was trying to relieve him of his burdens. I did not have to do this, and I could have used the excuse of having surgery. But, in our marriage we both try to always help each other out.